December 28, 2006

Seedy v. 01

How nice it is to have the tourists here in EP.

Today, I walked around downtown, and there were many tourists window shopping and meandering down Elkhorn Avenue, eating their popcorn, caramel apples and fudge. There were children and dogs all over the place, making it difficult to manuever through the throngs.

At one point, a large group, (which I presume was an extended family), managed to block the entire sidewalk from the street curb, to the entrance of one of the many "country cutesy" shops which line the downtown shopping district. While the "leader" of this group of geniuses blabbed away on her cellphone rather loudly, the rest simply stood in the way, children darting to and fro, creating quite the roadblock for pedestrians trying to make it to the next t-shirt shop or candy store.

Soon, Gramma Blabsalot realized the familys' faux pas, and quickly herded the little darlings out of the way of pedestrian traffic, and the east-west stream of fat asses donned in their brand-new NASCAR jackets began to flow once more.

I decided to return back to my place, and headed home, trying desperately to dodge the morons, falling in behind them at a pace akin to a deathrow inmate walking that last corridor to the gas chamber. The periodical stopping, for no apparant reason, was driving me crazy, and just as I made the move to go around them, they began walking abreast, so as to prevent any others from easily getting around them.

(Another fun tourist trick is to bring with you a large, untrained, and, unruly, dog, preferably of a breed that drools uncontrollably, as well as is overly-friendly, and who believes that all other human beings love him or her as much as their owners).

Walking down Elkhorn Avenue while trying to avoid the tourists could easily become an Olympic event, with only the most agile, and physically fit athletes able to compete in the event.

I was treated by the sight of a young couple, who were walking their Boxers, and allowed one of the dogs to urinate on one of the many Christmas light-wrapped saplings on Elkhorn, and, immediately thereafter, allowed the other dog to leave a steaming pile on a dirty mound of snow right next to a bank of newspaper vending machines in very close proximinty to passersby.

I did inform the man that a Town Ordinance requires that he clean up Fido's Christmas gift to EP, but, he simply glared at me, and suggested that I go have sex with myself.

How nice.

Thanks for visiting.

December 27, 2006

The Seedy Side

(These posts will be random, and will hightlight a different "seedy" thing witnessed here in Paradise Park. These postings are not designed to bring shame, or embarrassment to the focus of the posting, rather to give those being criticized the opportunity to right the wrong highlighted in that particular posting. I will also try to include photos as often as possible, to aid in the defense of the gripe, as well as, to allow me to post a rectification of said gripe, should that occur, in future postings).